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According to the often flatulent Torygraph yesterday:
Covid could be spread through flatulence, say ministers: Source says officials have read ‘credible-looking stuff’ [stuff? data?] on the theory from other countries including Australia
The widespread and often irresponsible, regardless of leg quality, wearing of short shorts in Oz triggered the first outbreak of the Farted Variant two weeks ago. The recent hot spell in the UK has enabled it to spread like wildfart, reaching a party on Ben Nevis only yesterday.
Fortunately, Dr Roman Cum Braccis, Senior Lecturer in Victorian Farm Fashion at the New University of Shepton Mallet in Somerset , has come forward with a simple solution – string tied below the trousered knee! This, of course, is an old method to reduce ferret injuries to the testicles.
Researchers at the University’s Fertiliser Research Centre in Bishop’s Lydeard, have since shown a 27% reduction in foul aerosols detected by their 4th year students after sniffing a random sample of local farmer’s legs.
The University staff and students are now all in isolation.
Tourists from Scotland are advised to keep their face masks on and maybe even wear two.