The Tusker helps BBC to finish-off its headlines and better inform the public

Readers are invited to suggest headlines.

18 thoughts on “The Tusker helps BBC to finish-off its headlines and better inform the public”

  1. “Mystery illness claims thousands”…………..

    Mr Johnson, in Mustique, cannot be contacted.
    Michael Gove…. “Brexit, blah de blah blah blah……………………………….”
    Nigel Farage….”They should never have quarantined me, Trump is FURIOUS…….”!
    Jacks son Carlot……silence of the bamms

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  3. The Thunder of the Tusker.

    Aye you’re spot on with the Tusker’s headlines. The conferences are not being cancelled just to satisfy Johnson’s laziness. A man with his morals aided by DC sitting on a 5 yr mandate. Dangerous times for all the people on this island.

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  4. “Starling from Russia brings Bacterium to Rural Ross and Cromarty”

    Now, prove it didn’t……….

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  5. How to deal with covid19. You can stop almost anything from working by hitting it with a large rock.

    Hancock to Whitty.W e know, we think, the speed of light. What about the speed of twilight? Or Hobnobs – they disappear quite quickly?

    I’ve tried using the “brightness” button for the BBC but it doesn’t work

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  6. Coronavirus
    And now for something (not quite) completely different
    In order to increase the hilarity of our daily press briefings
    Dominic has brought out of retirement for script purposes The Monty Python
    Team
    The main purpose of this ingenious move
    Was instead of us taking & talking Pish
    We will not be insuring that our target
    Audience gives it up involuntary as they
    PISH themselves laughing
    Not only that we foresaw the massive resultant shortage of PPE in the form of
    Incontinence pants and have designed,produced & stockpiled massive quantities
    P.S.these pants are world beating and come in the form of the Union Jack emblazoned upon them
    All so we can team up with many across the globe at pissing upon such flag
    Hip Hip Hip Hooray
    Boris Emperor No.2 (scat NOT piss )
    Excuse the pun please

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  7. 2nd Wave in England

    BBC Radio Scotland. About 12.15. An epidemieologist from Dundee (name?) was discussing the merits of social distancing. When finishing off he mentioned that on seeing yesterdays data he thinks that a 2nd wave is under way in England.

    Unfortunately his line failed (must’ve been bad luck) the audience were left hanging , no attempt was made to get him back .

    Without the daily Covid-19 briefings from No. 10 will we ever find out if a 2nd wave occurs in England.

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    2. I have little doubt that all the conditions are now in place in England for a 2nd wave
      And if by chance in the next 4-6 weeks the weather down there. In area for a prolonged period turns cool wet damp
      Then a tsunami results
      From their daily data they do not have this
      Under control .
      Unlike Scotland who not only have it well suppressed but also has the test track isolate system to keep it fully under control
      But NOT if Border Control soon
      To hell with the constitution
      It is our border,citizens, Lands & Wellbeing
      Not Westminster
      Not Negoiatable END OFF

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      1. At FMQ’s the FM said that as we move through the phasaes of exiting lockdown she will have to consider the virus being imported into Scotland. This has just been repeated on Radio Scotland. (16.12)
        When was the last time the border was manned by Scots.

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        1. There are occasions in life no matter what
          That a vital decision HAS to made and without any doubt and regret whatsover
          Such instinctive but well considered decisions ALWAYS turn out with hindsight to be correct
          WHY because right is right
          And wrong is wrong
          That tis the way the World goes round

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