Members of the Bearsden Amateur Dramatics Society, have been searching for some time to try to find a ‘girl’ to play Trisha in their stage version of the horror story with the local cadaverous hunk, Tom Gordon of the Herald, in the lead as Tom Gordon.

Scottish politician Nicola Sturgeon, already familiar with Gordon’s acting, was approached but, as you can see above, quickly rebuffed the offer.

Who would you like to see in the role of the girl who wanders off the trail into the woods? Jackie Baillie and Jo Swinson are my favourites for it.

The role of God of the Lost, a wasp-faced, evil entity is, of course, tailor-made for the conveniently retired local, Jim Murphy, as is Gordon Brown for the bear (brown). Brown was reportedly quite upset that he will not have the opportunity to ‘scare the shit’ out of Sturgeon but has since been comforted by the news that he will play the lead in the group’s forthcoming dramatisation of Godzilla.