Members of the Bearsden Amateur Dramatics Society, have been searching for some time to try to find a ‘girl’ to play Trisha in their stage version of the horror story with the local cadaverous hunk, Tom Gordon of the Herald, in the lead as Tom Gordon.
Scottish politician Nicola Sturgeon, already familiar with Gordon’s acting, was approached but, as you can see above, quickly rebuffed the offer.
Who would you like to see in the role of the girl who wanders off the trail into the woods? Jackie Baillie and Jo Swinson are my favourites for it.
The role of God of the Lost, a wasp-faced, evil entity is, of course, tailor-made for the conveniently retired local, Jim Murphy, as is Gordon Brown for the bear (brown). Brown was reportedly quite upset that he will not have the opportunity to ‘scare the shit’ out of Sturgeon but has since been comforted by the news that he will play the lead in the group’s forthcoming dramatisation of Godzilla.
Talking-up Scotland 'Albatraz' 
Aren’t Jackie and Jo already cast as The Twins. I think it has to be Gordon Brewer in drag. They can sing “A Gordon for me” to each other.
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Nice! I can see that.
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Surely Kezia would fit the bill? Straight from her starring role in “Carry on up the Jungle”, she could fit right into the “little girl who was never there”. Her Svengali and mentor “Uncle” Geogio Ffoulksakia would be there to guide her through, and she has contact with all the famous actors of her era–Murphy, Brown, Flee’in Gray, Wee Johann, Big Jackie the Hutt etc.
Gohdon Brewah could do the consonant-free narrative, shared with Hon Sarah.
Production would be shared between BBC Britz-R-Us Prod and Fantasy Futures Corps, based in NorthBritland (by sea).
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Ah, of course, Kezia. But wait, is Tom so appealing he can turn those of a different persuasion?
No, not Catholic, gay!
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In NorthBritland (by sea), anything is possible, and any “truth” can be true—or not.
We see in our daily dose of clairvoyant “journalism” (Sturgeon thinks this—SNP think that) that like Schrodinger’s cat, Kezia, Tom, et al, can be both gay and ungay in this best of all possible Yookay worlds.
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The Two Gordons could not only duet they could dance together. The Gay Gordons of course, though they’re not. For pathos, che gelida manina, in English, my tinny hand is frozen. They would have to toss for who gets the prosthetic.
With Gordons abounding (collective name?) old Broon might do a reprise of I M Jolly during the interval Since Broon doesn’t get Fey ( a made up word using a chemical symbol) it would encourage social distancing in the theatre, if not the bar.
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Nice Steven King reference in the headline!
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