He can write, like a Higher English and RE student with a thesaurus and, of course, a wodge of high church belief. Read and be dumb-struck as St Kev the Labourite sees religious fervour all around his old-time manhood [‘Keep your heid son’ anchors in square brackets. You’ll need them]:
ONCE [upon a time in Bathgate?], when it operated as a mature political party, the SNP was known for its hospitality to strangers. At times, in the heady aftermath of the 2014 independence referendum, to attend one of their conferences was to encounter evangelical fervour. “Welcome! Come away in! Have you been baptised in the spirit? Come and meet the leader!” [What is this shite?] Every spoken sentence seemed to have an imaginary exclamation mark and there were smiley emojis rising up from the conference floor. [What is this shite?] Both left and right could leave their doctrinal differences at the front door and there was room for all traditions [Mennonites?].
Now, as a consequence of easy power requiring little effort the party can pamper itself with the narcissistic and self-obsessed politics of sexual identity [Steady Kev, we respect your manhood]. When you’ve known for three years out from an election that victory is guaranteed perhaps a sense of complacency sets in and you can afford the luxury of self-indulgence. Organised groups for whom independence matters much less than bending legislation to suit the stage-managed conceit of gender grievance [Oooh look at them words and wonder at their vacuity] become attracted to a party that guarantees legislative and political power in perpetuity. When elections have been rendered meaningless [Should I self-flagellate Kev?] owing to the hopelessness of all the other parties the Government can act like a medieval court: granting favours here; extending patronage there while carrying out the odd beheading and evisceration to maintain party discipline [Wow, what a finish! Effing MAD!].
There are many claims in there, my son, but feck all examples, quotes, sources. How are we to believe you oh great one?
Just believe you and it will be fine? You’re one of those infallible ones?
See this, St Kev?
When will we get a sign the them Essenpeeites are a pestilence on the land? How come their believers are stable, the Nawite support is falling fast and the doubters are rising? Are you sure the end is nigh for Indy?
See this St Kev:
Oh, I see it now St Kev. The Essenpeeites are falling from grace. They’ve got a long to way to fall mind before they reach the Blue Meanies and the Red Tories. Are you sure it’s the end, oh great one?
Just believe in you and keep buying the Herald of the Lard?