FARCE! As our researcher finds solution to ‘non-existent’ 11ft tables

Regulars will know I’ve done this story in a BBC report already but the Herald version is even more farcical.

Senior New Reporter, Martin Williams, tells us:

Pub and restaurant owners are furious that “bombshell” guidance over social distancing indicates that they need to have 11 foot long tables.

Leaving aside that it’s just one restaurant owner who clearly missed the Primary 5 Mathematics class on tessellation (tiling), our Furniture Correspondent, Margaret Robertson (91), suggests this admittedly highly complex solution:

extra long dining tables.jpg

Will lone restauranteur, Carina Contini of Edinburgh, come back with:

That’s all very well but where will I get staff who can do that kind of thing?!!!

Footnote from Margaret: I’ve done it with trapeziums, (trapezia?):

17 thoughts on “FARCE! As our researcher finds solution to ‘non-existent’ 11ft tables

  1. There is a positive story about the Battlefield Rest in Glasgow. Some people have actually been there. It was extremely busy.

    It gives a positive picture of all the positive help the sector has been getting from the Gov. In facts states they could not have done more to help. The problems are being overcome. For inside and outside dining and outside alcohol consumption. The restaurant had been doing takeaway. It is totally booked for reopening and expects to be very busy as usual. The sector can expect to be getting back to full capacity. An extremely positive picture. A more realistic restaurateur who will appreciate the benefits of good will. Necessary for every successful business.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Herald pic shows waitress with no facemask.
    Visors alone don’t limit aerosol.
    Hers directs her effluvium onto the beer foam.
    I don’t see how 11ft tables or trapezia are going to limit aerosol dispersion indoors once the masks are off and noshing begins.

    Virus does not have a metre stick.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. From the bowels of the BEEB/HEROD/Hi Jack agitprop Bunker we bring you—-ta dah:-
    Cortina Cortina, the Dumb Bland, who cannot put 2+2 tables together to make covid-19 spacing work.

    “How can we make a (fast) buck if we cannot squeeze the gullible punters into every square inch of our greasy spoon?” She whines.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Oh dear, just when you thought this BBC bunkum story could not get any worse.

    There was a time a bombshell would attract customers….. I’ll get my coat…


    1. And we had an RAC spokesperson complaining about potholes, des cribing some roads as ‘like the surface of the moon’.

      The first lesson for PR people and journalists must be “Lose your sens of proportion and learn hyperbole”.

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Dear Mariana, the Queen of the wenches,
        Salute those, who perspired in her trenches.
        That love so profound,
        it goes all around.
        The buttocks she clenches: the senses she wrenches,
        as all whims and desires….. she soon quenches.

        Liked by 2 people

  5. I think this is where retired primary teachers could help. We often spent part of the pre August start up arranging groups of tables for the pupils. The only priority was that the tables should be the same height!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. If Martin Williams wishes to be taken seriously may I suggest his writings
    Begin with
    Once Upon Time
    As for the end I invite others to pen one


  7. Released papers,I read this and it sums up just what the Unionist parties have always been afraid of.

    He was worried by the growing perception that “Scotland could take with it into independence the oil which is the basis for much of Britain’s future prosperity”, adding: “It could damage our international creditworthiness.”

    Crosland advised James Callaghan, in documents opened at the National Archives at Kew, to “tread carefully” to “avoid giving any impression that we regard Scottish independence as a likely possibility”. Instead he suggested ministers quietly ensure that articles attacking the SNP be circulated.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. The original BBC story I note has been dramatically demoted from their the main Scotland page but kept alive on the Scotland Politics page, now with 1004 comments the majority being of the “Drown the Witch” variety….
    Who knew restaurant furniture arranging could become such a divisive issue…

    Liked by 3 people

  9. I see the yoonstream has been at the glue again. Well that’s pretty mental, but I don’t think it’s the sort of mentalism we need right now. Or is the yooniverse expanding by deconstructing human values? That’s only going to facilitate the re-imagination of culture and society, in a manner that’s organised through market forces. Which are irrational, so perhaps not the best of council when trying to be logical, and use reason, in the face of a biological crises.

    New Trends of Cognitive Science in Ethical and
    Legal Reflection

    “The purpose of this paper is therefore to explore the relevance of the
    abovementioned approaches for the study of the philosophy and theory
    of ethics and law. It will be argued that neither emotivist neuroethics
    nor evolutionary psychology, but rather a mentalist theory of ethics and
    law, constitutes the most promising approach to tackling the challenges
    created by the cognitive revolution.”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.