When I saw this, my first reaction was disbelief. Is there no one in the editor’s office? This headline clearly suggests that there are Coronavirus outbreaks in Scotland’s schools.
Elle Duffy (14?) writes:
There are around 1 million pupils, teachers and other staff in Scotland’s schools, 20% or 1 in 5 of the population. There are around 250 people thought to be infectious at the moment so, statistically you might expect 50 of those to be pupils, teachers or school staff. According to Duffy there have been (only) 20 cases ‘connected ‘ to schools in Scotland.
Sometimes it’s hard to find the will to counter this astonishing level of confusion.
Unexplored by Duffy is the worryingly strong correlation between Coronavirus outbreaks in communities which also have shops, bookies, a chippy or a hairdresser.
I’m probably jumping to conclusions here but I’ve noticed that where there is a Coronavirus outbreak, there also seem to be lots of people living nearby. Has anybody from the Scottish Government looked at that? What about dogs and cats? If it gets into them we’re all done for.
My cat died in 1987. Do you think there might be a connection?
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Yes. The standards at the Herald haven’t just slipped – they’ve experienced a catastrophic collapse into a cesspit contained within a black hole. The hole is occupied by enthusiastic but essentially witless wannabe churnalists; each one of them convinced that each day they produce stunningly effective examples of post-modern churnalism.
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