BBC Scotland Disclosure team in failed search for lost Tories

Face masks are now recommended if you think you might be at risk from the stench of hypocrisy seeping from Scottish Conservatives

Local Conservative Party sub-branch secretaries, from Dumfries to Buchan, have alerted local police after unexplained absences of leading figures, Jackson Carlaw, Alister Jack, Ruth Davidson and David Mundell.

BBC Scotland’s Disclosure team were initially called in to look for the four, after rumours they had been kidnapped by angry SNP supporters witnessing them breaking the lock-down rules. However, the team got lost in the Galloway Hills trying to follow a man fitting the description of Alister Jack. TuSC’s cub-reporter, Chik (14) has managed to find the suspect and he is reportedly not chuffed at the suggestion he looks like Jack. The BBC Disclosure team were still missing at the time of writing.

A man fitting Carlaw’s description was seen looking furtive in the garden of an elderly couple in Perth. TuSC’s cub-reporter, Cheryl (12) tracked him down but he turned out to be the gardener. He too is ‘effin pissed’ to be thought to look like that ‘effin gammon’ Carlaw.

TuSC has been unable to trace Davidson or Mundell. Police Scotland say they have better things to do. So do we.

Reporting Scotland’s Glen Campbell, sporting a strangely pink, shaved-to-the-bone, baldie-heid yesterday, is thought by some to be hiding unnamed Tories in his Islay getaway.

5 thoughts on “BBC Scotland Disclosure team in failed search for lost Tories”

  1. The Three Blusterteers and j’Ackbadyin.

    “Onion j’Ackbadyin ventures north from Londonville, to seek help from Blusterteers Jackdaw Pathos, Ruthie Portly, and Fluffy Aramis@ the Duc du Fragrance, in his quest to help King Boris in his fight against Cardinal Richegove the D’Astard du La Kensingville.

    They enter the Chateau Ffulksakia’s highly subsidised canteen, and are never seen again”.

    And all of us live happily ever after.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mr Carlaw may be at home ‘thinking’ about how unwise he has been. I’m sure he remembers this – and we should too! I’m sure BBC Scotland journalists are on to this as I write.

    This is Mr Carlaw at FM Questions on 6 May, 2020:

    “The key stay at home message has been effective because it has been delivered simply and with absolute consistency. It has not mattered whether people watch STV or the UK-wide “BBC News at Ten”, or whether they read The Scottish Sun or The Guardian; they have received the same advice and the same message. Simplicity saves lives.”

    Later in the same exchange, agreeing with the FM, Mr Carlaw said:
    “I agree with that. If we are going to have a four-nations approach, we have to agree, within the overall plan, either that there will be differences in different parts of the United Kingdom or that we go at the pace of the slowest. What is important is that, within an overall agreed plan, there is clear messaging. My point is that mixed messages will not help, and our priority is saving lives.”

    Where are you Mr Carlaw? Have you not caught up with your Tory leader’s statement and the changes in messaging he has introduced against the wishes of the governments in Edinburgh, Cardiff and Belfast?

    Come out Mr Carlaw wherever you are. You’re allowed to!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s not just Carlaw.
      “Shoogly” Jack(et) is very noticeable by his absence.
      Is he in furlough? He might as well be, as he has no real job!

      Liked by 1 person

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