Not Willie Rennie! He’s a fn loser! If people see that they’ll think I’m a loser too. We both got single figures in a recent poll? Oh.

Oh no, not Jamie Greene too!

If people see that they’ll think Tories are comfortable with me. They’ll think I’m a kind of Tory too. I’m not am I? We voted together on Trident renewal? Oh.

In Labour, ‘sensible experienced’ means rightist, post-Blairite. ‘Really nice’ means comfortable with greed.

Pictures Editor: I deny over-using that shot.