It’s been a challenge for a mere virus but, at last, Alex Salmond is no longer the big story, at least on the website. Will Reporting Scotland drop him?
Leading academic, Professor Jan Robertskovkaya of the School of Virology in the University of Vladivostok’s Paisley Campus has told us that Alex Salmond’s alleged behaviour toward women may have been caused by a viral infection, picked up on a home visit to Bathgate. His ‘zombie walk’ is a tell-tale sign of infection. Local sources have told us that walking like a zombie and being a bit too forward ‘with the burdz’, as they put it, is common in the town at certain times.
Talking-up Scotland 'Albatraz' 
Down but not out , they still manage to get face shot in somewhere on the front page .
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I have groped and been groped.
I have touched and been touched.
I have kissed and been kissed.
I have been naughty and had naughties done to me.
I have been drunk and awoke in strange beds.
I have made suggestions and been told to up my game.
I have been forward and the girls I knew were equally so (some even more so).
I have lived what I, and others of my generation, would have considered a normal life.
I have never been interviewed by police, but then my name is not Salm…………………………………………..
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