Relief as Brown to lead NO Campaign after successful baby blood and shark placenta treatment!

Broon after and before!

Widespread fears among Unionists have been at least partly eased by the news that former PM, Gordon Brown will lead the NO Campaign in 2021 with a promise of full federalism in two years. The banner heading is thought to be FFS Scotland!

NO supporters had been understandably worried that there was no obvious candidate who could unite the disparate parts of their campaign. Brown will still face a huge challenge in getting Labour and Conservative figures on the same stage.

Concern that Brown might be too old for the task was widespread but seems to have been alleviated after he appeared at an event hosted by the Herald, yesterday (top-left). Brown appeared rejuvenated only days after seeming a bit confused at a Guardian event only days earlier (top-right).

Sources have informed the Tusker that Brown has been receiving injections of a special Swiss serum based on the blood from aborted babies in the USA and shark placenta from Cuba. The safe supply of the serum has been guaranteed by the RAF and will be escorted into Glasgow Prestwick by spitfires under cover of night.

8 thoughts on “Relief as Brown to lead NO Campaign after successful baby blood and shark placenta treatment!

  1. Alas the REAL Broonie was last spotted hiding out in the Lords gents loo, hoping he will be eventually adopted as “one of them”.
    “Arise Lord Broonie, one-eyed King of Fife and North Britain”.

    The version of Broonie we see now plodding about, is an Huawei AI construct from Shenzhen, with an endless loop of his old 2014 speeches emitted from its speakers.
    “Voate NO zz and Home Rule, Devo Max, Federalism will be YOURZzz!—zzz–Voate NO and a land of milk and money will be at hand –BZzzz–Ahrze–short circuit–abort–abort–abort zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”!

    Boris thinks, while this is all very clever, he is fearful THIS will be his fate as well—though the real plot to replace him, is Cummings wearing a Boris mask.


  2. Joking apart though, one man’s dinosaur is another man’s Elder Statesman and I think that many “undecided” WOULD be swayed by a promise of federalism. I certainly was last time. I’m better educated now. Many thanks, Tusker!

    Even my Absolutely No last time son would vote Absolutely YES in IndyRef2. In fact, we were discussing it a while back and I said “Would federalism be a workable compromise do you think?” His response was “No. It’s gone too far for that now”. However, I think many would still be swayed by such an argument.

    On pro-Indy sites the readership has already decided. It’s those who haven’t that we need to sway the vote to a resounding YES.

    So I’ve been asking myself what would it take to convince somebody like me. It seems to me that there are 3 elements – (1) causing as little discomfort as possible (2) explaining why it’s necessary (3) describing how it can be achieved.

    I’ve come up with the following, in no particular order:
    (1) Change is quite difficult to introduce. It’s often said that other countries in what used to be the Empire have achieved independence, but many of them still recognise the Crown (Australia – just about! – Canada etc) and Jamaica’s only just ditched the monarchy. Even the UK was created in 2 parts, the joining of the Crowns and then the Parliaments. Perhaps it’d be more acchievable to split them in 2 parts, if possible? I suspect that many older people are less concerned about who governs than ‘losing the Queen’ IYSWIM. Perhaps go for self-government and decide on the monarchy when the Queen dies? I think a lot more voters would find it acceptable. Difficult for Republicans; but which is more important, a republic or self-determination? Even France became a Republic in 2 stages in the end.

    Also, I think it’s important to be crystal clear that Scotland would be willing to be friendly with England – and it won’t be our fault if we’re not. I think NS is making this point on a daily basis very well during the Covid crisis.

    (2) I’ve heard it argued that Johnson (and NS for that matter) won’t be around for ever and not to let independence be about personalities. So the rejoinder can’t be based on personalities either. I know I’m preaching to the converted here, but these arguments are for the Unconverted and, to them, they’re not obvious at all. We’ve seen what’s happened during the Covid crisis, plus the IMB etc. It’s true that it may never happen again. But, as long as Westminster has any say whatsoever IT CAN happen. And I think it’s important to emphasise that, under the present system, there’s NOTHING we can do to stop it. In fact, thanks to the IMB we can’t even stop them taking away what we already have. Not enough people realise that.

    (3) The economics of it all. A précis of Scotland the Brief would work wonders! I’d’ve voted YES last time if I’d seen one. So many thanks to the person who recommended it. These things need explaining to the ignorant amongst us (like me!) The currency, and how it would work for instance. An airy “Oh we’d just adopt the £” when the UK’s saying “No you won’t!” just didn’t cut it. The explanation of how it would/could happen and why just wasn’t there. You can’t campaign successfully on “We’re NOT too poor and too wee” unless you give proof that we’re not. And, from a ditherers point of view, I’m afraid Mr Salmond’s smiling reply of “Oil” to every question came across rather more as a patronising, ill-informed smirk to those who remembered the slump in the 80s. Apologies to his admirers, but it did.

    Sorry, I’ve blethered. Again. Just thought an ‘outsider’s’ point of view might be useful.

    I liked the shark placenta, though. Any idea where he got it? 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We have to convince the doubters that having our own sovereign currency is essential and that won’t be easy. How many people actually understand economics and how currency works in the real world?

      If we want to join the EU we have to have our own currency and central bank: it’s an essential pre-condition, so that should be a relatively easy sell to doubters whose first priority is to remain in the EU. An equally important easy sell is that, only by having our own currency could we react to a global crisis in the same way that the UK has done for Covid. Only by having our own currency can we have the flexibility to react appropriately to crises no matter whether they are internal or external crises.

      Any doubters should read Stephanie Kelton’s book ‘The Deficit Myth’.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. No doubt Broon will be addressing the nation from a fridge in the Midlothian Miners’ Social club again.
    Or maybe resurrect Murphy’s mobile Irn Bru crate…well perhaps not,far too dangerous what with all those eggs flying around.


  4. That new image ,a triumph of the arts of mortician and photo-shopper , will no doubt fool some of the people some of the time . His renewal of his federalism vows is surely a rave from the grave too far .The great pretender to ending boom and bust must have shot his bolt with this ffs riff. . I can’t see it being a great hit .


    1. He vowed a sort of federalism before and we all know what happened to that. Appointing a Yesterday’s Man to offer the same shoddy goods shouldn’t fool anyone and hardly looks like a progressive step. He once had some gravitas and failed to deliver then, so only those immovably wed to the UK status quo will be likely to take him seriously.


  5. Just put the poor guy on Speed
    Or get him and his ilk to pray for a miracle
    But also for redemption in full knowledge
    That no miracle can save them now


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